The Louisiana Gentleman

Setting: Malter Ashton’s apartment in the French Quarter, New Orleans. The apartment is piled with medical books and a bare Christmas tree.

At rise: Malter and Gillian are kissing heavily. Bells from the Saint Louis Cathedral chime, a jazz version of “Jingle Bells” clangs from the street, and the doorbell rings nonstop. Offstage, Sara screams out to Dale, who is unloading Sara’s Cadillac.

MALTER: Battered by bells.

SARA (Offstage, into intercom): I’m downstairs. Loaded with boxes. Your father’s things.

MALTER: My aunt.

SARA (Offstage, to Dale): Dale!

MALTER: We’ll have to make love later.

(A crash. Malter jumps.)

GILLIAN (Breathing heavily): Don’t stop. I’m on fire—

MALTER: I don’t want her to meet you like this.

GILLIAN: The only thing that’s not hot is my feet.

(Banging and yelling outside. He pulls on his shirt.)

SARA (Offstage, into intercom): Malter?

GILLIAN: Don’t answer. I know it seems like an extravagance—

MALTER: Is the door locked?

GILLIAN: You prioritizing romance—

SARA (Offstage, into intercom): Help me bring this junk up.

MALTER (Into intercom): Merry Christmas, Aunt Sara.

GILLIAN: Say you’re busy.

MALTER (Relenting, into intercom): You’re two hours early.

SARA (Offstage, into intercom): The Christmas party is always at six.

MALTER (Into intercom): Could you please get some ice?

SARA (Offstage, into intercom): I’ve got your father’s suits.

GILLIAN: I’ve something to show you.

MALTER: Stop!

SARA (Offstage): I donated them to the Junior League after his funeral. But your sister bought them back.

MALTER (Into intercom): I’m buzzing you in, don’t leave those clothes.

GILLIAN: It’s not my fault you’re so damn gorgeous—and I can’t take my hands off you.

MALTER: Button up your blouse!